So I was surprised that Pilar apologized. She looked at me solemnly, with those round, black eyes, “I didn’t realize back then how much I care for...Walker. Now I feel like I was cheating on him. I feel bad. Guilty.”This was good news. Not that Pilar felt bad, but that she cared that much for my son. Because Walker sure as fuck cares for her. Loves her.She told me, “I was going to tell Walker about the lifeguard. But Mama said not to. That it would be selfish of me. I’d feel less guilty, but it. She was pretty, there was no doubt about that, but in my shyness I knew I'd have to keep that secret to myself. For now, I'd settle for just spending time with her. She greeted me with the prettiest and brightest smile I'd ever seen.When she reached where I was standing, admiring her, she greeted me with, "Good morning."I felt my insides squirm when I heard her speak. I had to swallow before I could answer."Hi. Want to have breakfast together?" I nervously asked her. I hoped it wasn't too. As she stared at the sleeping figure. She could see how he was suckingactively on his pacifier as he dreamed. She got a big kick out of that.She knew that if she took a full baby bottle and put it to his lips hewould suck it down like he did his other bottles, and probably nevereven wake up.As she watched him sleeping, she wondered if he had any idea at all howmuch she thought of him. Probably not much, she decided. All heractions lately had been anything but kind. But then, wasn't that. We looked at each other unsure how to start, understanding how liquid courage often played into these situations and the excuses it could bring with it. I placed my hand on her inner thigh massaging slowly upward until I could feel the warmth where her legs met. She lifted slightly pressing against my hand. I was nervous and fearful not being one for foreplay and wondering how my lack of liking such things would help or hinder my ability to please a woman. I knew how I liked to be.
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